Five turkeys to avoid this Christmas
Presuming that you have a Wii or DS to play with this Christmas, you’ll be wanting some decent games for it. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck on the sofa like every other poor schmuck, sandwiched between a snoozing Grandpa and fat Auntie Betty whilst watching the Queen’s speech. Nor does it help that Grandpa likes to fart in his sleep.
We’ll leave the rest of the gaming blogosphere to rant and rave about the good stuff you REALLY MUST OWN or you’ll DIE MISERABLE AND ALONE WITH NO FRIENDS!!!! We’re going to be slightly more sensible and tell you the games you must avoid at all costs. If any friend or relative presents you with one of these turkeys this Christmas, it means they hate your guts.
As an added bonus, we’re going to gracefully step aside and reprint the most vitriolic comments made about these titles by professional (?) games journalists. Without further ado, and in reverse order of awfulness:
5) The Golden Compass (Wii)
“There’s not really much more to say about the game other than just ranting about our horrible experience with it. Surely, that would bore you, our respected readers. We’re actually somewhat sorry that you’re being exposed to this game in the first place. Please, look elsewhere for gaming if you want to do yourselves a favor.” - Gamer 2.0
4) Boogie (DS)
“Boogie isn’t a bad concept - there’s just nothing to it, and that’s not a very positive sentiment.” - Games Radar
3) Dave Mirra BMX Challenge (Wii)
“A terrible racing game, and it’s an even worse trick game. You might as well save yourself some cash and just stab yourself in the eye.” - IGN
2) Deal or No Deal (DS)
“Deal or No Deal is proof TV shows don’t always make a good video game. Or even a mediocre one. This is simply terrible – there’s not a single redeeming feature in this whole sorry affair.” - Pocket Gamer
1) Donkey Kong: Barrel Blast (Wii)
“Barrel Blast is an abortive and uncannily anachronistic attempt at a character racer with impossible controls, dreadful, imbalanced AI and boring design. It’s not even worth the hour of your time that it takes to get completely sick of it.” - Eurogamer
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That’s your lot, ladies and germs. Can you think of anything worse than to find these stinkers waiting for you under the tree? Let us know in the comments below.
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December 12th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
I actually agree with choices for the most part. Though I’m not sure DK should have got top spot.
December 12th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Same
December 13th, 2007 at 5:52 am
FarCry:Vengeance Should have been in there some where. I’m disappointed that The Golden Compass has gotten bad reviews. I really enjoyed The His Dark Materials Trilogy.
December 13th, 2007 at 8:30 am
Far Cry has been out since before last Xmas, so I thought it’d be safe to discount that one.
Like you, I’m a big fan of the HDM books, and I’m very disappointed that the films and games have been so sh*t. Talking about squandering a great concept.
December 13th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Yeah, FC doesn’t really count as it’s been out for some time now.
And the golden compass could have been so much more. The game had POLAR BEARS WEARING ARMOR WHICH FOUGHT OTHER POLAR BEARS WEARING ARMOR WHILE KILLING DUDES.
How the hell did the dev team mess up this game?!
December 14th, 2007 at 12:00 am
All of these pale in comparison to Ninjabread Man. Somebody hands this to you at Xmas, they might as well have spat in your face.
December 15th, 2007 at 1:10 am
Have you actually played Ninjabread man? I was gonna pick it up just because it sounded so damn awesome.
December 15th, 2007 at 2:16 am
With a title like “Ninjabread Man”, how could the game possibly fail?
December 15th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
That’s what I thought!
I knew it was a budget title, but come on!
Ninja + Gingerbread man = AWESOMENESS!
December 16th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
i think the cooking mama game should be in the chart: games height of awsomeness, the grafics are terible and the story and piont behind it are cheap, rubbish and probably thought up in about five minutes by the bosses son/ daughter.
ill be gald when i get the simpsons game
December 16th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
@courtney: You do have a point there. I, personally, haven’t played the CM Wii game but I heard it was terrible.
If you’re looking for a quality game for the Wii you can’t go wrong with SMG, Metroid, Zelda, Zack & Wiki, GH3. Basically it depends on what you’re looking for.
December 16th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
The Simpsons just sucks on the Wii, and to be honest, the DS version is better in every way.
As for CM, I found it quite playable and good on Wii, but not as good as the excellent DS version. Sometimes the DS simply controls things better due to the angle of your point of interaction with the game.
December 17th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
But the simpsons game is still funny, right?
…right?