Not long now till launch day for us Europeans. And while Wii owners in the US and Japan are happily getting stuck into their new consoles, we’re still at the eager anticipation stage.

Still, at least we can put that frustrating last week and a half to good use, preparing for the arrival of our shiny new Nintendo consoles. Here’s a list of the 30 things you’ll need for a cracking Day One – I haven’t included the Wii itself, as that goes without saying.

1. Crisps. They’re a major food group in their own right, y’know.

2. A tidy living room. Trust me, you need space for those sweeping Wii Sports Tennis groundstrokes.

3. A psychotic glint in your eye that warns you’re not afraid to kill. Mainly if you’re planning to collect your Wii at midnight and walk home through a dodgy part of town. Although it’s good for putting other players off their bowling aim too.

4. A few friends. Wii Sports wouldn’t be the same without them.

5. A copy of Heat magazine. You’ll need it as a reference to get that Dean Gaffney Mii just right.

6. Wii Play. Extra Wii-mote. Nuff said.

7. Beer. Wii Sports wouldn’t be the same without it. And your friends wouldn’t come round.

8. A croaky-voiced coughing old man. He can answer the phone and pretend to be you when your work calls to check you’re really ill.

9. White leather furniture and cool-looking Japanese people. Because life should be like the Wii promo videos on YouTube.

10. More crisps. You can never have enough.

11. A working broadband connection. This is NOT the day for NTL/BT to get unreliable on yo’ ass.

12. Your Mum. Wii is for all the family. And her cups of tea will help get you through the late-night Zelda sessions.

13. The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Sorry, I should’ve mentioned this before Point 12.

14. Fruit. Scurvy won’t make you a better gamer. When was the last time you saw a pirate who was good at Dance Dance Evolution, hmm?

15. Rose-tinted spectacles. In case you download any old NES games from the Wii Virtual Console.

16. An SD memory card full of photos. You can edit them on the Wii’s Photo Channel. What’s the point? Er…

17. Cake. Because not everyone likes crisps.

18. The Yellow Pages. If the Wii-mote slips out of your grasp, you’ll be wanting ‘T’ for ‘TV Repair Man’.

19. A powerball grip trainer. It’ll ensure Point 18 doesn’t happen again. Get one here.

20. A cameraphone. To shoot video clips of your greatest (or clumsiest) Wii exploits so you can upload them to YouTube. Although you’ll also be needing…

21. A laptop or PC. Also handy for having Gamefaqs on tap, to get you past the mystical 13-legged octopus in Zelda. Oh, hang on, SPOILER! Sorry.

22. Fluids. Other than beer, I mean.

23. A copy of Happy Feet. Somebody has to buy it, and your coffee-table is looking a little wonky.

24. Carrots. A couple of hours on Rayman Raving Rabbids, and you’ll be craving them, I promise.

25. A stretcher. It’s best to be prepared.

26. Your Dad. When he grumpily says he doesn’t understand it, you’ll know Wii is cool.

27. The Nintendo customer services telephone number. I know they say they’ve got the crashing problem sorted, but…

28. Steady hands. In other words, don’t drink all the beer the night before.

29. An underdeveloped ecological conscience. So you don’t mind leaving Wii on standby overnight, in the face of all that advice to switch all your devices off.

30. Some good tunes. Don’t pretend you like the in-game music.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 27th, 2006 at 4:01 pm by Stuart Dredge
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